A Forty-Night to Remember

As we approach the end of the first third of the summer softball season we look back at our accomplishments. Yes, you're correct this isn't about the Phillies (yet) but instead is about our Adult Co-Ed League softball team... The Swedish Heaver Bunters. For the first time in three seasons we have a very good chance at winning our division. We currently sit, tied for 1st, with a 4-2 record.

After starting out 2-0 by destroying the Blue Bombers twice outscoring them 37-3 in two games, we've since split games with Meadowridge and Expert Smiles. In 6 games we have scored 89 runs, almost 15 runs/game, and have only given up 45, a measly 7.5 runs/game. The reason behind this domination, as Expert Smiles witnessed first hand, Expert Partying. The key to all victories this year has been the Heaver Bunter desire to get off the field as fast as possible so we can get down with the Friday Night partying!!

As the season started fast, so did we, Slaughtering the Blue Bombers twice, which was lead by Mandy and Sonia's two cases of Miller Lite! An on-slaught of beer pong ensued shortly after the after-party started, leaving many drunk and stumbling. However we knew certainly that this would be outdone by the second week's game's beer host's... Sprizzle and D-Baby. However... due to unforseen vagina tendencies by the HoCo Rec Department of Sports, these games were postponed!!! leaving Spray and Derek in utter shock. I caught up with them after the announcement to postpone had spread to see how they felt.

Me: So how do you feel knowing that your chance to lead the team to slaughter rule was ripped out from under you?
Spray: You know...I'm so devastated right now. I spent a 40 minute session at the Welsh Bar... I mean in the bullpen warming up my drinking.. umm pitching arm and I am very disappointed in the decision handed down by league officials. I'm pretty sure I would've pitched two perfect games tonight.
Derek: Yeah man. We had some good tricks up our sleeve to get everyone wasted tonight and now, what the fuck. This even causes us to lose our beer hosting night until the make-up game is announced. I was definitely planning to get a jump start on the night by seeing how many times I could yell Fuck on the field before the umpire threw me out of the game. Then I would be the first one drunk later.

After a couple days of non-softball/drinking a grog fell over the team, we were all down on ourselves and saying things like, "now watch, we're gonna wind up playing till November again cause of rain-outs." The news didn't get any better, as they announced the make-up date to be July 20. Spray and Derek would have to wait until the middle of July to lead this team to drunken victory.

But then, as quickly as it had been scheduled, there was a trade! A trade that would eventually cause Mel Kiper Jr's head to explode in shock and awe. Spray and Derek traded their beer night to May 11th, an unheard of leap. The trade was made with Debbie and Theresa whose decision to do this has the critics in an uproar.

When asked about the trade Debbie said: "Well we were looking for a night where we could guarantee partying and since Nick and Dalton won't be at that game, we're takin this party to the strip clubs!!! Plus, they threw in Randy Moss and a 6th round draft choice in 2008."

Kiper felt this was an unprecedented deal saying "July 22nd wasn't even on my top 20 draft board. I don't know what Deb and T were thinking, they should have explored more trade options, possibly even trading down one spot for Preakness weekend, or holding out for Brady Quinn." Nevertheless, the trade was completed and Spray and Derek were back and the team felt the momentum swing in their favor.

The following weekend the Heaver Bunters hosted Meadowridge, and though they got off to a slow start falling behind 5-0 and 8-4, they brought out the bats for the last three innings. Sparked by a key "webgem" by D-Baby and Brivolbn7q that involved a diving attempt by D-Baby having him deflect the ball in the air to Nick at shortstop, the Bunters were ready to move. Down 8-4 in the 5th they fought back to tie the game. After holding Meadowridge to no runs in the bottom half of the inning the Bunters came out strong scoring 5 big runs to take a 13-8 lead in the last inning (do to time). Meadowridge battled back but Sprizzle Inc. who struck out 6 in the game(s), contributed greatly and with the tying run on 2nd base John "J-Nice" Perfetto made a juggling catch to end the game and we held on to a 13-12 victory. John of course later contributed his amazing catch to his several years spent working for the local traveling circus. But... Since Beer night was hosted by Nick and D-Ton that night we of course, credit that victory to them. Meadowridge battled back the second game and won 12-8 leaving both teams with a 1-1 split.

Then the hype started. The week leading up to last Friday's first place matchup between the Heaver Bunters and Expert Smiles. Knowing that Derek and Spray had secured that spot for beer night, mother nature threw in a wrinkle. Rain prediction on Friday night, all the way from Monday via weather channel. This again caused many comments like, "it's going to rain" and "looks like it's going to rain" and "it's probably going to rain" leaving the Heaver Bunters a little less motivated than usual. However, come game day it was sunny and 70 degrees prompting responses like "its not going to rain" and "looks like it's not going to rain" and "where the hell are all the rain clouds?". However, getting the team back to an excited state would prove to be difficult for Derek and Spray.

Sprizzle attempted to start right from get-go, as two hours before the game he made the beer run, returning with a plethora of 40s and 22s for everyone there. The excitement began to grow, but wasn't truly felt until the second game. In game one, Nick went down with an injury although he played the entire first game and took part in two double-plays keeping the Heaver Bunters alive. Spray came through with a great pitching effort and Chris Golder came up with a diving highlight reel catch in left field... but it wasn't enough. The 9 runs we could muster together couldn't keep Expert Smiles from hitting the ball wherever we weren't and Derek and Spray knew they had to step up.

Game two involved the new strategy of a 12 player batting lineup. This worked almost immediately as the beer hosts pummeled hit after hit and took walk after walk on their way to 3, 10 and 9 run innings. Putting up 22 in the second game was more than enough to take the heart out of Expert Smiles. Sending pitcher after pitcher off the mound and giving up only 5 runs in the game lead by D-Baby at shortstop turning another double play and Josh Farley with his stellar left field catches and stops. The turning point however, was clearly Big County at the bat.

The mammoth 6'4" BC was walked his first two times to the plate, and on his third at bat, the pitcher fell apart. Being so deathly afraid of the big guy's long ball, and his third leg which enabled him to run at incredible speeds, the opposing pitcher actually threw the ball over the backstop AND over the grandstand behind home. Later he claimed "he (BC) had an unfair advantage, it was like he was up there with two bats, and it just frustrated me beyond belief." Big County walked again and the pitcher was pulled 2 batters later.

The Heaver Bunters would declare victory dominating that game 22-5 and it was then time to party!!! Although noone attempted the notorious "Edward 40-hands" there was plenty of booze to be passed around. And of course, it was Josh's birthday, so we all toasted to a shot of three olives vodka, for good ol' Dr. Joorsh on his day of celebration. The beer pong table got off to a crazy pace as BC and Steph started to run the table... but the competition level quickly staggered as the night progressed into more drinking. The night was a success, lead by 40 oz malt beverages and a fantastic night of Softball.

Next week... the pressure is on for Zemmy and Denise to come through.

The Draft... Again???

Since last week the Phils have leveled out. Last time I wrote they had just whooped the Nats and were preparing for a day game the next day. Problem was, Sean Hill, the lone bright spot for the Nationals was on the mound. He pitched 8 innings of 1 run ball and left just before it got interesting in the 9th. Rowand homered in the 7th to cut the lead to 4-1 and extend his hitting streak to 13 games, the highest it got was 16 before he lost it earlier this week (however he reached base in 24 straight games). Then in the 9th Hill walked the leadoff batter Victorino. That was his last batter, Utley the flew out to the deepest part of the ballpark about 403 ft off of Cordero. Howard then doubled and then had runners at 2nd and 3rd, 1 out, down by 3. Burrell then launched what looked like the game tying shot, but it died at the warning track bringing home Victorino. Then Helms, who was 2 for 3 already in the game struck out to end the game.

That kinda game you dont really mind losing. Hill pitched a phenomenal game and they came within 3-5 feet literally of tying it up. Things won't always bounce your way so if you lose, I think it's better to lose with the game in reach.

Anyway, so they took 2 out of 3 from the Nats, then the Phils proceeded to take 2 out of 3 more from the Marlins. The third game of the series being where 43 yr old Jamie Moyer carried a no-hitter into the 7th inning before Miguel Cabrera roped a line drive just over the head of Abraham Nunez (I've always disliked this guy) with 2 outs. 7 outs away... thats it. Oh well, they hung on to win 4-1 I think, or something like that.

Then they went down to Atlanta. Lost the first game on a bottom of the 9th 3-run homer to Andruw Jones (I REALLY have always disliked this guy). Then the Phils took the second game of the series 6-4 despite 2 homeruns by Chipper Jones. In the 3rd inning of this game, however, Philly killer, Brian McCann, was called for Catcher Interference on a play where Rod Barajas swung at a pitch and managed to hit McCann's catching hand and still get a piece of the ball for a foul tip. Barajas later reached on a walk and then was moved up when there was a passed ball with the bases loaded because McCann couldn't effectively catch the pitch. He left the game after this play.

Wow, I can't imagine getting my hand slammed by a major league swing... I hit my hand in a desk drawer and it hurts enough, let alone having a 36 oz hunk of tree smash my hand at a 70-80 mph. Damn.

The Phillies then went on to lose the third of this series 4-3. The lone bright spot in the game was Ryan Howard's 3-run jack in the 5th that tied the game, his 4th of the year. Howard's slow HR start is not far off pace from last year. They showed a stat during one of his ABs in this game that said on May 2nd last year he had only 5 HRs and this year he had 4. However... he was batting about 80 points higher and last night he did strike out 4 times. Yeesh. If he can start to hit more effectively the phils are gonna score alot more runs.

And now... the draft. What were they thinking. Colin Cowherd called it the WORST pick of the draft, even worse than Miami's Ted Ginn Jr., and that was a bad bad pick. Why waste a 2nd round draft choice on a guy that will be there for 2 more rounds at least and why then would you waste it on a QB??? Never ever can Philadelphia Sports teams do something to make us fans happy. They can't do it, it's like they have some kind of ridiculous punishment gene implanted in the heads of all Philadelphia Sports Team management staff and players. Lead em on, trade that 1st round draft choice for 3 picks. YAY! Now pick a QB. What the F*ck?!??! It's sooooooooooo frustrating. I just want to see them win one championship... I dont care who it is! Settle this frustration!! Please??! At least watch this and suffer with me http://youtube.com/watch?v=zfj0iSSPVTs&mode=related&search=